RecaP

Before I write any more declarative blogs about fear and courage, I'll go ahead and fill you in on what's been really happening the last month or so. Might make me seem less flighty... maybe not. Who knows.

1. I gave up Facebook... until my boyfriend went to Las Vegas for Interbike and I realized cyber stalking can be an effective and useful way to keep in touch and not be agonizingly lonely.

Pros: When I was actually able to avoid Facebook I really did feel better and more productive. The time spent scanning status updates and "liking" or commenting on various posts easily snowballs to astronomical lengths. Not to mention that my activities started to belong to me and only me, which gave them a Quality that is difficult to describe unless you've read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance." Let's just say, whether you realize it or not, whoring out your daily activities on a social networking site cheapens them.

Cons: Since avoid Facebook felt so good I also started to avoid Twitter. And this blog. And emailing my Grandma. NOT COOL. Whether I want to admit it or not, we do live in a technologically based society and cutting yourself out totally can both isolate and hurt feelings. Sorry Grams. Email coming soon, I promise.

2. I sold my car and did not buy a new one.

Pros: Nearly too many to mention! I'm officially a member of the smug car-less elite and as such I get to say things like "it feels good to be a part of the solution and not the problem" and "oh, well, I don't even own a car" and "cars?? ew." It's fantastic! I was also able to pay off my bills and close out my credit cards. As of today I have no debt-- a zero balance in life-- and finally feel free. This month I used the money that would've gone toward car insurance, gas, and maintenance and bought tickets to the Guthrie Theater's production of A Christmas Carol. Not too shabby. Thus far I'm incredibly pleased with my decision.

Cons: "Thus far" is a key phrase. It is November. In Minnesota. And after November comes December and after December comes 3 months of subzero hell. No, it isn't impossible to get around on a bike (or public transportation) during that time, but it takes a lot of effort that I'm not particularly looking forward to.

3. I cut up and closed out my credit cards.

Pros: Paying ridiculously high APR's to big name corporations is both as logical and enjoyable as working long hours at a job you hate, cashing your paycheck, coming home, and lighting exactly 1/3 of it on fire. Oh wait, it's not "like" that it "is" that. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN! IT'S A TRAP!

Cons: Last week I spent all my money on sushi and red wine and I don't get paid again until the 13th. Without credit cards there is no safety net for budgeting stupidity and frankly, a person can only live off canned soup and pickles for so long. So... if any of you have any leftovers... or spare canned goods just lying around I would love to take them off your hands. Please. God, I am so hungry.

In the meantime I'm considering activating a back up emergency credit card. Seems like a slippery slope.

So that's the long and the short of it. Change inspires more change. Now I know how limited-- how constricted I've become by chains that are both silly and easily broken I don't want to stop. I don't want to just give up Facebook and credit cards I want to give up fear. I want to give up weakness. I want to give up indecision.

Hopefully I'm on that road.